Davka Daze

(Old Man At Sea, Open Edition, by Mark Ludy) I recently turned 40 years old. As a Millennial man, I assume that I'll be lucky to make it another 40 years. This true mid life has prompted a crisis, of sorts. Because I never expect to live this long in the first place. Like many young people, I thought I'd live fast forever in death as a beautiful corpse. So when I didn't, I wasn't sure how to react. I fell in love, graduated college, started a career, got married, had children, bought a house, graduated college again, and before I knew it I was here. Exactly where I wanted to be and exactly where I never expected to find myself. A good life with good people and good works. (Even as the world at large descends into madness, corruption, and strife.) It's a privilege built on survival, tenacity, and sheer luck. So many other people in my life didn't make it. They lost something, someone, or even themselves, in whole or in part. I thought that was my fate. I assumed ...

When I was a young child I was loud and passionate and imaginative and full of questions. When I got a little older, the world forced me to hide my brilliance behind a facade of docility, because being different is inconvenient for adults and prey for bullies. So, I became very good at pretending to be whatever was expected of me. I was quiet. I was obedient. I was small. It nearly killed me. More than once.  Now, as a grown-ass man, I refuse to live within the cages around my joy or the shackles bound to my soul. I have learned how to be my own champion and I refuse, I reject, I renounce all ties that would bind me from being exactly who I am. My life is for living and I'll never let anyone tell me or my family not to be as awesome as we want. I lost all my fucks a long time ago in the chaos of those childhood scars and pain. But in the process, I found myself instead, and now I try to help others find themselves too. This is for unapologetically existing. This is for my ancestors...